pauld1968's Blog

A long road. Part 1

Be warned, these are probably going to be some of the most boring and uninteresting posts you've ever read. 
I am afraid that being boring and uninteresting might just be at the root of my current problems.  I would love some feed back but have seen where people occasionally come onto a story or blog and post non-serious remarks. I like a good laugh and feel I have a reasonable sense of humor but these are serious matters for me and Id appreciate only serious replies. 

I was an average kid.  Not the smartest or the dumbest.  I came from an average family.  Not perfect but solid and dependable.  Mom and Dad did their best and it was good by my standards.  I was an average teen.   I never got in any serious trouble.  I had a beer or joint now and then but never got into any hard stuff and nothing became a habit.  I had then and still have average looks, girls weren't lining up for me but a few went out with me. I even ended up with a cheerleader going with me to prom.  Not bad.  She ended up marrying one of the super jocks but for one evening I was a star!

I headed off to business school.  My dad owned his own business and I wanted to do the same.  I met my wife there.  She was and still is an attractive  woman.  Neither of us were ever approached as model material but we're okay.  We were friends before we took it to the next level.  We more or less eased our way into being a couple. We were happily dating for quite a while.  I asked her to marry me a few years later.  She was established in her field and I in mine. 

She said yes and we planned a very simple wedding.  We married and skipped the honeymoon and took the money combined with savings and wedding gifts and put a down payment on our home.  Two years later we had our son.  Sounds good right?  It is. In so many ways it is damn good.  I am grateful for my wife, son,  job,  home and the life I am lucky enough to have.  But ...   I just turned 45 this past week and have no idea of what is left to look forward to.  I am not excited about anything.  I feel lackluster and dull.  Who am I kidding-- I AM lackluster and dull. 

My wife and I aren't ready for the sexless marriage group.  Every Sunday, we shower and meet in the bedroom. We  take just about 45 min. and have the very same sex we've been having for the last 12 years.  We have discussed it.  I know for a fact that I bore her too.  We have tried a few new things but it always ends up feeling awkward and ...  not quite right. So we drop it and go back to what we're use to. 

I love my wife. She is the mother of my son and a good woman.  This is not me holding any sort of pity party.  This isn't her fault it isn't just mine we share this and we both admit to it but just can't seem to find a way out of it. We are a habit now,  a familiar routine more then a passionate couple in love....but  I have to ask myself...were we ever that passionate couple?

These are my thoughts for today... 

I only use  this site from work.  I want to be open and candid and I don't want my wife stumbling on something and misunderstanding it.  I feel guilty for doing it this way but I do feel I need to vent it out.  I will only be online at select times during the day and never on the weekend.  EP will stay at my work and never go home with me.  Thanks ahead of time for anyone who reads this.  I almost put myself to sleep rereading what I wrote.

I am not looking for ladies to message me with offers. I want to improve what I have and not screw it all up with some fling on the computer or meeting a stranger somewhere.  I need thoughts on how to fix what isn't even broken.  How do you cure yourself of being boring? 

Again, please be kind.

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A long road. Part 1, posted February 11th, 2013, 7 comments

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